Checking on Spike
by lionssmile
Summary: Spoilers for Lessons 7.01 Buffy finally goes to check on Spike in the basement. She doesn't know what to do. This isn't a happy one.


Title: Checking on Spike Category: Drama Rated: G Spoilers: Everything up to and including 7.01 Lessons Characters: Buffy and Spike Summary: Just like the title says Buffy goes back to check on Spike. Disclaimer: Characters are not mine they belong to the creators: Joss Whendon and company. If they had written this themselves I would have had to. I couldn't wait for next week damn it. Feedback: Please. Anything will do. Just give me some sign that you actually read it!  
  
Checking on Spike  
  
Buffy opened the door cautiously, hoping that there wouldn't be any zombies jumping out at her. "Spike? You still in here?" She heard mumbling as her only response and took a step into the room looking for the source. At first she didn't see him because it was so dark and he was huddled in the shadow of a corner; then she noticed a sparkle as his hair was touched by light.  
  
He was crouched on the floor and rocking back in forth with something that glittered in his hand. "She won't understand. She won't understand." He mumbled over and over again.  
  
Buffy turned towards him. She was completely shocked by the change in him. She had decided awhile ago that she wanted him to stay gone; 'cause wherever he had gone it had to be better than here. Besides it made things easier on her. Without having to see him everyday she could forget the pain; yeah, the pain of him leaving. No, no she had told herself it was the pain of his betrayal...or was it hers? She had felt like she was going mad trying to figure out where that pain had come from. She had anticipated her own madness, but not his. She paused a moment while looking at him. Was this the Spike she had known? Afraid of nothing, even the Slayer. He had been so unafraid of her in fact, that he had fallen in love with her.  
  
He was still mumbling as though he didn't know she was there. "Who she? Me? What won't I understand Spike?" She kept her voice soft to not startle him.  
  
He jumped up at her words and lunged into the light, waving his hands around the room. "THIS, WAS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE THIS!" He was in vamp face and Buffy took a step back from him, not knowing what to expect. Her mouth dropped open when she saw what he held in his hand; it was a knife and it was dripping with blood. His blood. He had gone back to carving up his chest again, and she could see more cuts around his heart. He took another step towards her. "Buffy?" He asked in a low, quiet tone as his faced morphed back to its human features. The hand with the knife dropped to his side but he still held on to it.  
  
"Spike give me the knife." Buffy reached out her hand towards him and cautiously took a step forward. He looked down at the knife like he hadn't noticed it before, "Sorry luv, I need this. There's something I have to do." Spike backed away from her into the shadows and she watched as he brought the knife back up to his chest.  
  
"Spike, don't." She pleaded but he did not hear her. He started to cut his chest. He yelled out in pain but did not stop. Buffy couldn't take it. She lunged at him grabbing his arm and twisting it around until he dropped the knife. He turned and with his free hand punched her square in the face. Buffy fell backwards and Spike started to reach down for the knife, but Buffy kicked it across the room before he could grab it. While he followed the knife with his eyes as it skidded across the floor she kicked his knees. He crumpled and before he hit the floor Buffy was already standing. The moment he was down she jumped on top of him and pinned his hands to the floor beside his head. He struggled for a moment then grew calm. He looked at her as though he was just now noticing who it was that he was fighting with.  
  
"Spike why are you doing this? What has happen to you?" Buffy felt like she was holding down a limp rag. There wasn't an once of resistance to him. She had pinned him down many times before and he had never felt like this. It was as though he was totally defeated. It scared her.  
  
"She won't understand." He said as a tear streamed down his face.  
  
"Who won't understand? What won't she understand?" He closed his eyes as more tears streamed down his face. "SPIKE!" She tried to get his attention but he turned his face away from her.  
  
"It's here Buffy. It's here. In the walls. Can't you feel it? I belong here, it's my home." Suddenly he screamed as though in fear. He moved quickly then, bringing both legs up and pushing with his hands sending Buffy flying off of him and crashing into the wall. She recovered and jumped up to face him, ready for a fight but he was back to huddling in the corner and mumbling to himself. Well at least he hadn't gone to retrieve the knife she thought.  
  
What should she do she wondered. She was unaccustomed to not knowing how to deal with him. Always before if he wasn't doing what she wanted she would have just threatened him. But now she was trying to keep him from hurting himself. She felt like she was near tears herself. How strange that seeing him so defeated would make her feel so sad.  
  
"I can feel it inside me squirming and twisting. It's trying to get out." Spike started moaning after this and rocking back and forth.  
  
Buffy went over and knelt down beside him. "Spike I think we need to get you out of here. There is something about this place that is affecting you.pretty badly I'd say." Buffy looked around the room but saw nothing.  
  
"I won't go. This is my home. I belong here." Spike had stopped rocking and was now looking at her with a defiant expression. For a moment he almost looked like his old self. But the moment was gone and he was back to rocking and moaning. Buffy stood up and attempted to get him to stand. "Come on Spike." As she reached down to pull him up he wrenched his arm out of her gripped and jumped up and ran to the other wall. "Can't leave. Won't let me. I need to sleep. I'm tired.please come again." He lay down with his back to the wall and curled up with his eyes closed. "I can sleep. I can sleep. I can this time."  
  
"Spike we need to get you out of here." Buffy walked towards him. She was losing her patience now.  
  
"SHUT UP!" He hollered as he vamped for a moment. His face instantly went human again "Shut up and let me sleep." His voice faded to a whine. Buffy paused at his scream but he wasn't looking at her he was looking to the far corner. The hairs on her neck prickled and she spun around expecting to see something but nothing was there. She felt the sudden urge to get out of the room. She couldn't take him with her. There was no way she could get him to cooperate and she would have to carry him out through the school full of students. Plus even if she managed that, it was daylight and she didn't have a way to get him.where? His crypt? She didn't know if leaving him there in his state was such a good idea either. She hadn't seen Clem in awhile and he may have moved on and others may have moved in.  
  
Buffy walked over and picked up the knife. "Spike I'll come back after dark. I'll figure something out. Don't worry I will help you." She walked over and crouched down beside him. His eyes were closed but she knew he wasn't asleep. She placed her hand on his forehead and pushed the strands of hair back from his eyes and whispered, "I'm sorry Spike." She stood up and with one last look at him left the room.  
  
Spike didn't open his eyes but tears started to roll down his checks. "I'm sorry too Luv." 


End file.
